Blog: Digesting the “Butterflies”

High school relationships. Girls. Guys. They are so different.

How can a guy and a girl be happy together? Why do girls and guys act the way they do? How should you act around the opposite sex? Everyone has “butterflies in their stomach” when they are in the early stages of attraction. This blog will give you some tips on what to do when you are pursuing a relationship and certain things to expect once you’re in one.

POST #3: THE FIRST DATE

The first date. It might be the scariest part of a relationship, and rightfully so. The first date is often the event that decides if the relationship is to be continued. Many people feel nervous or anxious for the first date, and the feeling is intensified when you don’t really know the person that well, if at all. A good way to get comfortable talking to your date is to get his/her number and to casually text them throughout the week before the date. However, don’t burn out all your conversation topics, you don’t want to run out during the date.

This process definitely takes a harder toll on the guy. First, he needs to plan the date. Usually the go-to first date activity would be a nice dinner at a reputable restaurant. However, if he wants to be creative and impress the girl, he could plan a fun and interactive first date.

[one_third]You don’t want to lead the girl on with a fake persona.[/one_third]

The second choice is a lot harder to plan and is riskier. The more elements in a plan, the more things can not go according to plan. He should prepare himself with a Plan B if things don’t work out.

During the date, the guy is expected to facilitate the conversation. Be confident, and as cliché as it sounds, be yourself. You don’t want to lead the girl on with a fake persona; it will be a waste of time for the both of you. You want to be able to make her laugh and forecast an exciting potential relationship through how the date itself plays out. Also, smell good and always pay on the first date. That doesn’t mean the girl shouldn’t bring her wallet and at least offer to pay. (Guys, whether or not she offers says a lot about the girl.)

Girls, you don’t really have to worry about much besides how you present yourself. As much as the guys are focusing on presenting themselves well, they are also focusing on how much they like you. You should add some substance to the conversation, and be open about yourself. Build trust immediately. Enhance the attractive parts about yourself. Do you have a nice smile? Smile. Nice eyes? Make eye contact. Nice hair? Maybe play with your hair casually? Cute voice? Just keep talking, but not too much. Are you smart or motivated? Show it. Share experiences.

On the first date, don’t order a burger and fries on the first date unless you are trying out for a Carl’s Jr. commercial. You don’t want to make a mess while eating. And dress appropriately and modestly. How you dress also says a lot about you.

Although there seems to be a lot you have to do to make the first date good, these are only tips. It doesn’t have to feel daunting. The best advice I could give is to just be yourself and let your personality shine through. Don’t mask it with shyness. Being yourself will allow you to be comfortable and confident, and that is the most important trait you can show. If your date doesn’t like who you are, then he or she is not for you. There will be many more people that will cross your path.

POST #2: THINGS THAT IRRITATE

Throughout the course of a relationship, there are many things guys and girls do that irritate each other. They don’t try to irritate each other on purpose, but sometimes do because guys and girls each think differently. Not everyone does the things I’m about to say, but they are very common in relationships. By being aware of these things and not doing them, you can be a better boyfriend or girlfriend.

What Guys Do That Irritate Girls

1. Looking at other girls, especially when you are with her. This is an absolute DON’T DO. It will create a permanent insecurity in your girlfriend that she isn’t good enough. She could also get infuriated, and you will never hear the end of it.
2. Not listening to her. If you don’t listen to her, she won’t want to tell you anything. Even if she does talk a lot, listening and communicating is part of being in a relationship.
3. Not standing up for her. If people are criticizing her or the relationship (yes, they will be out there), you need to defend her. If you don’t, she will think you agree with the critics and that you don’t care about the relationship. This will go a long way to show how much you value the relationship.
4. Not doing the little things. Girls really care about guys doing simple things for them on a daily basis. Guys tend to think that doing something nice on special occasions is enough to keep a girl satisfied. It’s not. Just a small compliment or simple gesture will mean a lot to her.
5. Not understanding the signs. Girls have their own way of communicating their feelings. Most girls won’t tell you their feelings directly. They want you figure it out yourself through understanding their body language or subtle tongue-in-cheek comments that guys usually overlook. You must be intentionally aware of these signs. It will lead you towards a solution (if there’s a problem) or help you know that there is a problem in the first place.

What Girls Do That Irritate Guys

1. Treating other guys better than their boyfriend. This is a huge relationship no-no. You don’t want a jealous insecure boyfriend. This will cause many problems for you, so just keep your priorities straight. Guys are big on loyalty.
2. Being too clingy or too independent. Guys need some time for themselves. Whether it’s playing games, watching sports, or hanging out with bros, he needs his time to be a man’s man. You can’t be too independent either or he won’t feel needed. Guys need some sense of importance in a relationship too.
3. Being a princess. Expecting him to do everything for you will get you nothing. There should be equality and mutual respect in the relationship.
4. Telling your relationship problems to your friends purposely in public to make a point to your boyfriend. If you really need to someone to listen to your problems, at least do it in private and with someone trustworthy who isn’t going to spread your problems around school. Doing this to send a message to your boyfriend will only make things worse. In these situations, girls like to make the guy seem worse than they actually are to the people she tells. The better solution is to talk to the guy directly rather than complain to a friend.
5. Holding things in. It is one of the worst things anyone, especially girls, can do. If you feel a certain way, tell it to us straight. Don’t just hold it in and let it eat away at you until you can’t take it anymore. At that point, you’ll dump all your crap out on us at one time for everything we did in the past few months. The problem isn’t going to be fixed unless you tell us.

Lastly, for both guys and girls, don’t try to change your girlfriend or boyfriend. See them for who they are, not for how they can change to meet your expectations. Odds are that you aren’t going to like every single thing about your partner, but there will be some things you can live with. If many things don’t feel right, however, you should just end the relationship and save yourself the stress. Ending the relationship isn’t only for your own good; it is for the other person too if neither of you are happy.

POST #1: Getting the Phone Number

If you are interested in someone, get to know them. Guys, be confident, not shy and awkward. Girls, act interested if you are interested; don’t act uninterested unless you actually are. If you don’t know the person well, you can still smile and say “Hi” in the hallway. Give a compliment. Joke around. Use small talk at first to get comfortable talking to each other. However, don’t stay in this stage for too long or you’ll get trapped in the friend zone. Guys, if you think she could possibly like you, find a good time to get her number. However, this is a hard thing to do smoothly.

In today’s society, it is awkward to just ask for a girl’s number, at least in my opinion. I think if you ask a girl that you don’t know well for her number, it is a dead give-away that you like her. If the girl doesn’t like you at this time, it could be a complete turn-off, lowering your overall chances of her liking you in the future.

Before asking for a girl’s number, you should try to make her like you first or at least make sure she is comfortable talking to you. Guys need to be creative in the way they ask. For example, you could invite the girl to an event and ask for her number to text her the details. Sometimes, when there are no other options, you still have to take a risk and let her know you like her in order to get her number.

[one_third]Don’t act uninterested unless you actually are.[/one_third]

If she is already a friend, it should be less awkward to ask for her number. You could probably just ask for the number because you don’t have it. Utilize group chats to get friends’ numbers that you don’t have, even if you aren’t necessarily attracted to them. And before pursuing a relationship with a friend, make sure the feelings are mutual; you don’t want to ruin a friendship.

Girls, do make it a little easier if you like the guy. You don’t need to ask him for his number, but maybe you can even give him yours if you like him. If you have to leave midway through a conversation, take the opportunity to say “sorry I have to go, but you can text me,” then give him your number. That would make it so much easier on the guy without you being the one to text first.

Finally, as a reminder, I would recommend you (girl or guy) work your magic before you ask for someone’s number to make sure he or she likes you a little first. And what’s the easiest way to get someone’s number? Give them yours.